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Saturday, May 12, 2007

Thinking about a few things these days. Yes, i wasn't pleased when I got accused. But well, I was silly. Why do i have to bother?! I should just move on with my life n ignore. I'm already VERY busy til i dun even have time for tears. Alright, since I'm a thorn to you, I shall be removed & out of your way! Working taught me quite a few pointers. LOVE is not as important. Finding someone who totally understands you and is gentle to you is NOT an easy task.
There are pros n cons in love.

LOVE doesn't means to possess, neither does it means to make someone solely yours. everyone has their own lives. They lead theirs differently. Two people have two very different thinking on how they lead their lives. Forcing or one-sided insistence are not going to help. I am very comfortable with my present life. Being single, i can do a lot of things w/o considering the other half's feelings or objections. I can do everything I yearn to! I can go out with my friends. i can work til no matter how late. i can have late-nights with no boundaries nor curfews. i can have friends, even male friends. Talking to a male-friend/colleague doesn't leads to reprimands now. when i feel like playing Mahjong, I play! When i feel like blogging, i blog! when i feel like staying at home, i stay! when i feel like joining my family, i get to! When I want to be alone at times, I can! Not needing to hurt anybody!! I really love the life i have now. i don't have to be affected by the other half's restrictions. I want to lead a 'No-Restrictions' and 'No-Boundaries' kind of life. I want my own personal space and minimum privacy!! I want freedom!!
I'm really afraid of losing all these.

I am able to feel your changes, your love and even your smiles. i do realised that u have changed. Your temper is getting better now. although at times, u tend to get nasty in words, gets jealous at the wrong time and gets possessive like the past, i believe and can feel that u are trying to control yourself. i really hope you can be the one i can say anything to. I hope I can share ALL gossips, tears, lies, mistakes, happy events, unhappy times, heartfelt feelings and EVEN embarrassments to you! However, I don't understand why there bound to be quarrels (even w/o finishing my first sentence), when i talk about things u don't like. i keep limitations to you. For instance, I wanted to tell u some things very badly. but thinking over it for awhile, i think i would better not. cos i was worried. i was afraid of upsetting you. i was afraid u might be affected, get angry or even hurt. Thus, things are left unsaid. They choked up my heart. i hope u can unclog everything in it. Guess i am too sensitive about your feelings. i tend to mind a lot of your feelings. i am careful with saying the wrong things. Can we open up and share everything? i dun like it when we have limitations. we should be able to talk about everything under the stars. I really hope we would be able to open up. This shouldn't be a barrier at all!! Aw, huixin n yings mentioned that this shows that I care for your feelings, which is a good sign. But, i feel uncomfortable keeping bottling things up . i want to be able shout them out to you!
I want you to be able to ease my tensions and frustrations.

The other day i had a foul day. i turned crazy, flared up at everyone, nagged and threw tantrums about unreasonably. You swallowed and hushed me down by giving in to me and not rebuking. I was touched. The feeling is heavenly. I simply love it!! It stopped my tantrums almost immediately. I really appreciate it. Hopefully, it would stay the same way forever. I'm sure it would be Perfect! Quarrels would cease. MORE touchy feelings. MORE smiles and MORE relieves!!! Will it happen? i know it has been dragging. i didn't want to deliberately face it. i didn't want to do things just because 'it should be tis way' or 'it should be that way'. i want things to go naturally in a slower pace. i want feelings to be nurtured willing and naturally. not forced. Thanks a lot, sweetie. u didn't force nor push me. u followed the pace. u were patient. u allowed nature to take its course. u listened to me sulk. u were gentle and careful. u didn't insist 'we get together now' kind of things.
A big THANK YOU to you, sweetie!

YOU are like the WORM IN MY STOMACH.
You know every lil thing of me. You know exactly what I'm upset with! You know when my tears are triggered! You know exactly my strengths and weaknesses. Wow!! You TOTALLY know me inside out!!! You know what i am thinking of and know my feelings even when my lips are tightly sealed. Only at times, you will deliberately neglect my pride and feelings. You will flare up and throw the nastiest words at me! *sobs* And most importantly, you know exactly the words that would coax me and exactly those which would boil me up immediately!!
You are whom who make choices.


YOU ARE MY GUARDIAN ANGEL!!
The one who protects me most with no boundaries. The one who can make me most happy. But of course, your words can hurt me the most too. If you choose the correct way and correct time to coax and reprimand me, I guess i shall be the most fortunate person on earth!!

If possessiveness, angers and tempers are removed, it would be HEAVEN!!! Most importantly, possessiveness and restrictions lead me to having second thoughts. I want more freedom, trust and confidence from you. i want to be able choose my steps and my paths in life. I dun wish to have restrictions like in the past. For e.g. I want to go parties with my friends. Be it whoever, i don't wish to get fcuked and i don't wish to receive any nasty or unkind remarks. I choose my friends! I choose who and how i spend my time with! I choose to go anywhere I want to and I do anything i love! I hate restrictions like the old days. It would be totally perfect if we have more respect for each other. it would be flawless if both our tempers ceased. i only do things which i am very confident in. I would turn away from battles which I know would fail. I hate regrets. I fear of failing again n again. I am not as strong as I might appear to be. I can't take any more failures! And I can't make wrong choices anymore!!
Confident decisions = 0% Regrets


We would be a perfect match in heaven if all these factors are fulfilled and compromised.


his wifey; her mummy <3
10:31 AM